


dirty little secret

by smartbuckley



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [13]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Come as Lube, Friends With Benefits, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Misunderstandings, Safewords, Swearing, Top Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 18:10:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21498331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley
Summary: From the tumblr prompt:Buddie Prompt: buck and Eddie have been sneaking around together hooking up but it has never been just about sex for Buck and he keeps asking Eddie for it to be more . But Eddie doesn’t want anyone to know, even though he does love Buck(he’s scared) & can’t bring himself to talk about it. Buck gets upset about being Eddie’s dirty secret and cuts off their hookups ,it hurts too much to be that close. He won’t let Eddie touch him even platonically. Eddie realizes he needs to do something about it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528010
Comments: 20
Kudos: 521





	dirty little secret

**Author's Note:**

> Well nonnie, I hope you enjoy this, wherever you are. Not a lot of warnings/triggers here, other than badly written sex. Hope y'all are alright with that. If there's something you think I need to tag, let me know.

Being pushed against the wall, Buck lets out a small moan as he feels Eddie’s body tight against his own, the mans’ cock against his thigh. He tries to tilt his head back when Eddie breaks away from his mouth and begins trailing kisses down his neck, hands escaping under his shirt and caressing his abs, but the wall stops him and instead, Buck pushes the two of them to the bed in the corner of the room. Their shift at the station is over, thankfully, and all day, Buck had been teasing Eddie with a small smirk, knowing the man would be forced to control himself, even though he didn’t want.

A thrill went through Buck’s spine when the duo landed on the bed with Eddie on top, legs on each side of Buck’s body, his shirt racked up as Eddie continued to kiss down his neck and stomach, Buck’s own cock growing hard in his jeans while Eddie kissed the spot just above the buckle of his pants, a moan breaking free.

“Eddie,” Buck moans, fingers running through the older man’s hair, wishing he could tug on it like before his haircut, almost deciding to bemoan the fact that he can’t before he becomes distracted with Eddie’s hand on his cock, jeans partially down his legs.

“Patience, Buck,” Eddie teases, looking up at him from below, eyes hooded as Buck moans, his head falling back as he loses himself to the feeling of Eddie - his hands, his mouth,  _ everything _ .

* * *

Some time later, Buck lets out a small breath as Eddie moves to rest beside him, panting. A small grin forms on Buck’s face as he turns towards the older man and watches him, biting his lip carefully as he tries to think of the words to use when it comes to what he wants to say. They’ve been doing this for almost six months -- and by this, Buck means sneaking off and having sex when the moment is possible but Buck wants  _ more _ . Hell, if he’s being honest with himself, he needs more.

He’s been in love with his best friend from the moment Eddie told him he could have his back, and then he fell in love with Eddie’s  _ family _ the moment he saw Eddie and Christopher together. And slowly, the two of them had become Buck’s family, and he would never want that to change. But what he  _ does _ want to change is the thing going on between Eddie and himself, because it’s just sex, and Buck --

Buck wants to be able to call Eddie his boyfriend (and maybe something more). Buck wants to be able to actually tell people that he, Eddie and Christopher are a family. Buck wants to walk into the one-eighteen with his hand in Eddie’s, grins on their faces, and their family teasing them.

But every time he’s thought about bringing it up to Eddie, something in him has him staying quiet.

“What are you thinking about?” Eddie questions and Buck finds himself opening and closing his mouth for a few minutes with a frown on his face before he looks at Eddie and bites his lower lip.

“I want --” Buck begins, sighing softly while watching Eddie carefully as he frowns and leans forward, obviously curious.

“What?” Eddie asks and Buck closes his eyes, takes a breath and then opens them, looking at Eddie.

“I want people to know about us. I want us to  _ date _ , and be more than what we are,” Buck says, his heart falling into his stomach when he sees Eddie’s face close off, his body leaning away from Buck. To Buck, it feels like every nightmare he’s had lately about their relationship coming true, and Buck doesn’t know what to do about it, doesn’t understand where the communication between them went wrong. It takes a second for Buck to sit up and leans against the wall, watching Eddie carefully as he gets out of the bed and begins getting dressed.

“Eddie ---” Buck begins, only to stop when Eddie shakes his head, pulling his pants up, a scowl on his face.

“I don’t want that, Buck,” Eddie says and Buck can’t help but frown, moving forward on the bed as Eddie avoids his eyes, not sure what’s going on or through Eddie’s mind.

“What---”

“When we started this, I thought it was clear that it was just going to be between us. No involvement of other people, no letting Christopher know, just us,” Eddie snaps and Buck’s eyes widen when he realizes just how  _ wrong _ he was.

This entire time, he thought that Eddie wanted to be his special someone, wanted to be something more with Buck, the same way Buck wanted to be Eddie’s boyfriend, but this entire time, Eddie only saw the two of them as fuck buddies with nothing more coming out of it.

He can feel his heart breaking inside his chest, but he doesn’t want to show Eddie just how much his words hurt. Instead, he narrows his eyes and folds his arms in front of his chest, trying a few breathing exercises before nodding.

“Alright, then we have to stop this,” He says while Eddie is buttoning up his pants. He watches as Eddie’s eyes widen and he freezes, but Buck has to stick to his guns.

“I’m not -- I haven’t been sleeping with you for fun, Eddie. I’ve been sleeping with you because I have feelings for you, and I want more. And if you  _ don’t _ want more, that’s fine, but that means I have to stop this because I know I can’t torture myself like that, man. So, last chance, are you sure---” Buck finishes, shrugging his shoulders, not sure what else he can say since he knows he made his point pretty clear. He can see Eddie opening and closing his mouth, and there’s a moment of hope rising in Buck’s chest before Eddie nods, grabbing a shirt and leaving the bunks, door slamming shut in his wake. Closing his eyes, Buck breathes before he lets out a sob, head hiding between his knees.

* * *

The next few days are hell for Buck. If he had known that the last time he had had sex with Eddie would’ve been the  _ last _ time, he would have savored it a little bit more. Instead, he begins to distance himself from the other man. He loves Eddie, but he can’t --

He can’t handle it in himself to be friends with the man while he’s trying to get over him, so every time Eddie tries to act like a friend, he pulls away. If Eddie touches his shoulder, or pats his back, or tries to guide Buck by placing his hand on his lower back, Buck moves. At one point, he thought he saw Eddie looking devastated, especially the first few times it happened but Buck’s not as dumb as people think, he knows he’s just seeing things.

When Eddie sits next to him on the couch, Buck shifts away, not wanting to touch. He has to get over Eddie, has to move on and he knows that if he lets Eddie touch him, or act like everything is normal, he’ll crack and he can’t have that happening, not when he was more invested in his non-relationship with Eddie than Eddie was. 

Does it hurt? Hell yes. But Buck knows he can do this.

* * *

Eddie is an idiot. He’s a  _ goddamn  _ idiot, and that thought rings through his mind the  _ moment _ Buck tells him the thing between them is over if Eddie doesn’t want more between them. He should have just man’d up and told Buck the truth -- he  _ wishes _ he had done that now, a few weeks later, but at the time it had all been happening, Eddie could only hear his father in the forefront of his mind, telling him that queer boys never went anywhere, never amounted to anything, were only good as a hole.

He had, before that day, thought that he had gotten over all of the bullshit his homophobic father had spewed at him, but that day, he realized he wasn’t. So he lied to his best friend, the man he had been sleeping with for almost half a year, the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had fucked up, but he thought maybe, once he truly got over himself, he’d be able to fix it.

But then whenever he went near Buck, the man acted like his namesake - scared, skittish, unsure. Eddie hated it, especially whenever he tried to touch Buck, or ended up being successful in touching Buck. He would pull away, look away, and Eddie would find his chest killing him, his hand coming up to rub at it.

He made a mistake, and he knows that, but now he has to try and find a way to fix that mistake, because he’s in love with Buck, and there’s no way in hell he wants Buck to pull away from him.

But he doesn’t know how the hell he’s supposed to tell Buck any of this when Buck practically runs from him every time he gets close. He’s been thinking of ways to get Buck in a room with him, to stay with him, and he’s running out of luck, almost desperate enough to ask for help from Hen and Chimney.

He got lucky though, and he knows it’s luck, when he follows Buck to one of the bunks, entering the room before the door can completely close, locking it and turning on the light, surprising the younger man who can only turn around in surprise with wide eyes.

“Eddie, wha---” Buck begins, but Eddie doesn’t plan on letting him talk a whole lot, stepping forward, hands wrapping around Buck’s neck and pulling him in, resting his forehead against Buck’s, whose only started panting, pupils dilated.

“I’m in love with you. And I was  _ terrified _ of admitting it to you. But the past few weeks, I’ve realized I’m more terrified of losing  _ you _ , Buck,” Eddie whispers, trying not to gasp when he can feel Buck’s hands settling on his hips, eyes narrowing in surprise before he bites his lower lip. Buck wants to ask him if he can kiss him but he tries to control himself, knowing he needs to say more than just that.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Buck. And I’m sorry, that I made you think for one damn second that what was between us was just sex, that I’m not head over boots in love with you, because I absolutely am. I want you in my life, my son’s life. I want everyone to know you’re mine. I just let my fears make me forget that, and I will never do that again, if you’ll have me,” Eddie whispers, and he can see Buck thinking things through, can feel his fingers flexing against his hips, and he hopes to god that he hasn’t managed to screw up.

“You love me?” Buck asks and Eddie can’t help but huff out a laugh, nodding his head while moving his one hand to rest on Buck’s neck, biting his lower lip to try and stop himself from kissing Buck.

“I love you to the moon and back, man,” Eddie admits with another chuckle while Buck grins up at him.

“Please let me kiss you,” he asks and the moment Buck nods, bringing his hands up to bring Eddie even closer to him, Eddie’s lips are on Bucks, his hands moving to his hips and flushing Buck against his body, moaning when he feels the younger man against him. It’s been too long since Eddie has felt Buck against him, and it takes nothing for Eddie to push Buck to the bed and crawl on top of him, peppering Buck’s face with kisses, grinning like a mad man while doing so.

“I’ve missed you,” Eddie whispers in between kisses, trying not to laugh when Buck chases his mouth, wearing his own grin while he hums in response.

“Are you going to do something about that?” Buck questions, thrusting upwards while Eddie moans, eyes fluttering shut when he realizes how hard Buck is, and how hard he’s becoming. He can feel Buck’s fingers dancing along his sides, tickling him in certain spots while he lets out a whimper before he can feel Buck tugging on his shirt. Automatically, his arms come up, his shirt being removed as he leans forward to kiss Buck, rolling them over so they’re on their sides instead of Eddie being on top.

Their kisses become more dominant and fierce, Eddie biting Buck’s lower lip as his hands trail down Buck’s body to his pants, unbuckling the belt and then undoing the zipper to Buck’s jeans, tugging them down as fast as he can before he places his hand around Buck’s cock and gives an experimental tug, smirking into the kiss as Buck moans and thrusts.

Eddie twists his hand, gathering up the pre-cum that’s leaking from Buck’s cock, his finger sliding slowly along the tip as Buck moves his hands to his hair and yanks as much of it as he can, Eddie grinning at the look Buck provides. 

“God, you have no idea how much I love seeing you like this, Buck,” Eddie whispers, pulling away from Buck’s mouth as he lets out a small whine, causing Eddie to chuckle before he twists his hand once more and grins when Buck thrusts up into it.

“Eddie, please,” Buck whines and Eddie lets out a small hum, looking around the room as Buck moves his hands to his pants and begins freeing Eddie’s cock himself. It’s not the room they usually sleep in, or do other activities in, so Eddie knows there’s no condom or lube, and he bites his lower lip, looking at Buck with an arched eyebrow.

“No condom, no lube. What do you want to happen here, babe?” Eddie questions, trying not to grin when Buck whines at his words. He can see Buck thinking it through, can see him biting his lip in thought, eyes hooded with lust. 

Eddie feels like the time while waiting for an answer from Buck goes by incredibly slow, and Eddie is just about to say  _ fuck it _ when Buck caresses his cheek.

“Let’s continue anyways,” Buck whispers, and Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. Every time they’ve been together, they’ve used a condom, though Eddie’s always wondered what it would be like to  _ not _ use one.

“Are you su---”

“Eddie,” Buck interrupts, his tongue coming out to lick his lips before he continues, heat flowing through Eddie at the sight, “I haven’t been with anyone other than you in a year. I doubt you’ve been with anyone, also,” Eddie nods his head when Buck looks uncertain here, before the man smiles softly, “And I know I’m clean, so yeah, I’m sure. I trust you.” Buck finishes and Eddie --- if Eddie wasn’t already in love with the man, he’s pretty sure those words would help him fall incredibly fast.

“Fuck, Evan,” Eddie groans, removing Buck’s pants completely, and then his, hissing at the contact they make with his dick, eyes fluttering shut as Buck wraps his arms around him.

“Pretty sure you have no idea,” Buck grunts and Eddie tries hard not to chuckle, kissing the younger man instead as he begins stroking Buck’s cock, grabbing as much pre-cum as he is able to onto his fingers to use as lube.

“Can we do this facing one another, side to side,” Eddie questions, smiling when Buck nods his head and the two of them rearrange their bodies, legs tangled loosely together so that Eddie can slide into Buck when he’s ready. 

The next few minutes are full of both men kissing and then panting into one another’s mouths, Buck mewling as Eddie eventually inserts one of his fingers slowly into Buck, the air around them thick with something that Eddie hasn’t felt since the first time they slept together. He knows what he’s feeling though, and he plans on doing this every night, no longer letting Buck feel like he’s just a fuck buddy any longer.

“Eddie, please, I need you,” Buck whimpers, Eddie two digits in while he shakes his head at his boyfriend, frowning slightly. Can he call Buck his boyfriend? They’re going to have to talk about that after this, he thinks, smiling softly when he slowly inserts his third finger.

“It’s been weeks since I’ve been inside of you, Buck. I’m not going to hurt you until I’ve prepped you completely,” Eddie whispers and Buck moans, eyes fluttering as his hips being to thrust and Eddie -- Eddie can’t have that. Immediately, he removes his fingers, smirking when Buck whines in response, placing his hands on Buck’s hips and holding them down, waiting for the younger man to look at him, not surprised it’s a glare.

“You’re not getting my dick until you’re prepped babe. You want pain, you need to wait for a different time. Right now, I want to take you apart and put you back together again. I want you to be undone with me holding you together,” Eddie admits, eyes wide and pupils dilated as Buck nods, and he knows Buck understands how serious he is.

“Safety words?” Buck asks, and Eddie nods.

“Artichoke is green, orangutan is yellow and kale is red,” Buck states and Eddie nods, trying not to chuckle as he remembers how they came up with those words before he inserts his fingers back in, the first two going in much more easily than they did earlier, the third one having some resistance at the knuckle while Buck breathes through it.

“You okay,?” Eddie asks, continuing onward when Buck nods his head and whispers artichoke. The next few minutes pass by slowly, both men panting while Buck’s eyes close. Slowly, Eddie begins to move his fingers, scissoring them until he Buck can’t control himself, his moans becoming louder with each second. 

He knows the likelihood of getting caught today is high, but Eddie doesn’t care, too focused on pleasing Buck, and getting ready to remove his fingers so he can replace it with his cock. 

“Eds, c’mon,  _ please _ ,” Buck begs and Eddie finds himself smirking, his fingers slowly coming out of Buck as the two of them begin panting. When his fingers finally come out with a pop, Eddie sucks back a breath, moving the two of them around before he’s lined up with Buck’s hole, his fingers stroking his cock to lube it up a little more before he slides in, inch by inch while Buck whimpers and tries to take all of Eddie at once. Eddie has to hold onto Buck’s hips tightly, a small smirk forming as he tsks quietly, eyes fluttering when he finally gets more than halfway in.

“Eddie, I swear to god, if you don’t start fucking me soon, I’m gonna--” Buck begins before stopping suddenly when Eddie thrusts, fingers looking for purchase against his biceps, whining when he doesn’t find anything.

“What are you gonna do, baby?” Eddie teases, pushing a little further in, moaning when he’s fully in, letting Buck adjust to his girth and length. 

“Hnn,” Buck moans and Eddie can’t help but let out another laugh, shaking his head before leaning forward and kissing Buck, doing his damndest to distract the other man with his kissing skills. When he feels like he’s thoroughly distracted Buck, Eddie begins thrusting, a small grunt escaping him as he begins -- slow, at first, and then speeding up, hitting Buck’s prostate, which is when he begins slowing his speed once more, going for longer strokes as he hits it each time.

As their speeds change, the moans between the two become louder, their bodies gravitating towards one another, each of them trying to get even more closer as Eddie moves them around so that he’s thrusting from above, Buck’s hands being held down by Eddie’s own, while Buck’s legs wrapped around his waist, free to do whatever they want. Eddie can’t stop kissing Buck, whether it’s his mouth, his neck, or any other available skin he can find, his balls tightening as Buck whispers into his ear, telling him how much he wants it, wants Eddie,  _ loves _ Eddie.

“Want you to cum before me, baby,” Eddie groans, trying to hold off from coming so Buck can follow his instruction. He sees Buck shake his head, fingers squeezing his biceps, Buck breathing through his nose and Eddie knows, as he thrusts once more into Buck, his pace becoming irregular, that unless he convinces Buck soon, it’s not going to happen.

“Together,” Buck pants, arching his upper body upwards, his hips matching Eddie’s thrusts while Eddie lets out a small groan his eyes fluttering when Buck grabs one of Eddie’s hands and drags it to his cock, stroking himself with Eddie. The sight is too hot for Eddie, and the pacing of his thrusts become even more irregular as he can feel his body getting ready to ejaculate.

“Tell me you’re close,” Eddie groans, continuing to stroke Buck while he nods. Eddie can tell the moment Buck is ready, when their hands twist on Buck’s cock and without a single thought, Eddie lets himself cum, thick ropes expelling into Buck as the younger man joins him, his own jizz hitting Eddie’s bare chest. When the moment is over, Eddie lets himself fall next to Buck, arms grabbing the younger man and cuddling him, his panting becoming regular breathing as he stares at the man with a goofy grin on his face.

“Stop that,” Buck chuckles, moving forward to kiss Eddie while Eddie shakes his head.

“Never. Not when I’m the luckiest man on the planet,” he admits with rosy cheeks while Buck grins wide at him. He’s made mistakes, and he knows now how much his mistakes would have cost him if he hadn’t gotten his act together and he’s thankful he did.

“Get out of your head, Eds,” Buck whispers and Eddie can’t help but hum contently at the man, trying not to laugh.

“Come over tonight, after work?” He asks, biting the inside of his cheek in a moment of worry before he relaxes when Buck nods an affirmation. His heart eventually slows down to a regular pace and Eddie finds himself looking at Buck with a content smile. In the back of his mind, he knows he needs to clean them up, especially since his cum is no doubt seeping out of Buck’s ass and into the bedding (and oh man, he’ll have to clean that too, or Cap will kill them all, and that would just be embarrassing), but right now, all Eddie can focus on is the man in his arms, and the way he feels.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed before he feels Buck beginning to shift in the bed, and Eddie looks up at him, frowning when he notices the frown on Buck’s face.

“Everything alright?” Eddie questions, raising himself to rest on his shoulder, watching Buck carefully as emotions flicker through him before he lets out a soft sigh.

“Just so we’re clear -- are we dating?” Buck questions and Eddie grins.

“We’re dating. We’re boyfriends. I planned on asking you out on an official date tonight at my place, probably after dinner. I want to get you cleaned up, dressed and then leave this room holding hands so no one has any question as to what was going on in here, though, our moans probably helped.” Eddie responds, caressing Buck’s cheek when he turns red and looks away, shy.

“I was wrong, in letting you think otherwise because of my terror, but I love you, and I’m in love with you, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you and everyone else, Buck,” Eddie whispers, kissing Buck’s nose, unable to stop himself from smiling when Buck hums.

“Well then. Maybe we should clean up so we can put your plan into action,” Buck whispers and Eddie --

Eddie hums, “Can we stay here a bit longer? Wasn’t done cuddling you,” he says, ducking his head as it turns red before he smiles up at Buck when he laughs.

“Anything for you, Eddie,” Buck responds, kissing him before the two relax completely in one another’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> comments, concrit and more are very welcome over on my tumblr at [smartbuckley](https://smartbuckley.tumblr.com).


End file.
